Friends

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.----Anne Morrow Lindbergh

*************************

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body. ---Jim Hayes

***************************

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

********************

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. He said "How come you haven't called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no 5 on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know. My calendar has no 7s. ---Steven Wright

*******************

We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next-door neighbour.

********************

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

*********************

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. --Plutarch

****************

The best time to make friends is before you need them. ---Ether Barry More

*******************

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. ----Bernard Meltzer

**********************

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. ---George Carlin

*********************

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

******************

I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends-they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!

*********************

Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!